when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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