So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
