I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
