so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
