i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
