How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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