Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
