4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
