There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
