Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
