I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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