dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
