I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
