hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
