once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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