Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
