3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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