Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
