ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
