I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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