You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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