Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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