So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
