Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
