If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
