she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
