Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I puked a lego.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
