I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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