I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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