If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
