oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
