I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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