Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
