yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we should paint friendship bongs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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