No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
