You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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