Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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