oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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