Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
