Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
