That's intense
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Drake has all the answers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
