our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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