I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
