I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
