i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
