So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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