I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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