omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
