no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
