If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
